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CrackInTheWall's Journal


CrackInTheWall's Journal

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36 entries this month
 

Journal Gems 2

14:09 Jan 31 2008
Times Read: 1,008


This time our resisdent sock gives us the entertainment with a comment he left:



sockpuppet



17:03:00

Jan 26 2008



It is like slaying the sacred oxen of the Sun. I can't but think for this impious sacrilege of giving everyone ones, that the Coven of Debauchery will be struck by a thunderbolt and all lives will be lost.





My reply- soon to be removed-



Oh that is rich coming from a sock puppet who first thing rates certain members a 1 and others a 10. From you the only words someone should expect to say are "Et tu Brute?"


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Journal Gems

14:00 Jan 31 2008
Times Read: 1,013


I can't help it. I'm stealing Cancer's "name" for these. How on earth do these people get through the day? Oh it must be: "do you want fries with that"... Read and you choose:





players...but cannot take the heat

bragin about being ready to deal with the consequences but cant answer simple question

gets anoyed with simple question, about own words in own post

acolyte wannabes

hopefull,there is REAL acolye on, and people who REALLY care and dont only want to flahs and when the heat hits them, dont go and: stop bothering me, ouin ouin oiuin

my patience is blahblahblahvb



well if you cant take the heat dont fucking do things that will put you int he heat kid!



yes I called you kid, cause when we approahc you kindly and with nice words ona simple question you reply like a 2 year old that just got caugh with the hand in the cookies jar and knows its wrong.



whatever

I knwo anytwa even if I crawl and beg and act like a slave to your whatever servant..you wont change naything you will make it looklike i ma the bady

I saw and I did not need to reread your own words saying: there will be only 1 per coven

so anyway I saw how much you show a face but your hands, are dirty..and you cant take the heat...whatever..it shows who is real and who is fake...yes I called oyu fake



I couldn’t help it I had to respond with:



Is this even English? Try some sort of spell check, because between your grammar and your spelling I can see why someone would not wish to talk to you.


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Since my comment will probably be removed...

04:27 Jan 31 2008
Times Read: 1,037


To anyone that thinks they know the TOS better than Cancer, or Admins I suggest you read in the TOS:



The Termination section and I would also re-read the Disclaimer of Warranties namely part b.



If you still feel your “freedom” of speech has been violated, I encourage you to take it up with a Regent or Cancer himself.


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This touches me

15:08 Jan 29 2008
Times Read: 1,060


Because I hate that a country I grew up loving and being proud to be a part of, in the past 8 years has been torn down to be nothing more than a joke.



A country that is used for the finacial gains of all expect those living and working there. I know I posted the Great American novel a while ago, I wonder how many too the time to read and hear what it really said.



Values: Freedom of speech, agree to disagree. The right to bear arms, you can protect your own. The right to an attorney, so that you are not unjustly punished.



These should not be fallacies. Or like Rome and Greece, are we unable to learn and stand. Perhaps the great should fall, so that compassion and empathy have a place too.



You can be patriotic and not live in the US. You can speak out against the leaders that have brought us debt and less resources for our future. You can support the troups and the men fighting for our country and think that this war is a crock o shit. You can agree to disagree with me, because we are the melting pot. We are supposed to stand free.



Not a slave to the taxes, the oil companies, the drug companies or the marketing everyone want us to believe.



Take the red or blue pill.



Either choice, the world will change; you can either stand and be that change or hide hoping for days that are no more.




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Order complete

03:03 Jan 27 2008
Times Read: 1,075


I just finished something today :) I had an order for 35 healing balms- ingredients are:



Shea butter, Palm Kernal, Jojoba Oil, Arnica infused Olive oil, Calendula infused olive oil, Comfrey infused olive oil, Beeswax, Vit E, Lavender, Peppermint, Geranium, TeaTree, Eucalptus



And I have a few more to sell at the Essential Oil talk I'm going to do on Saturday. At least I can say I did something other than dinking today :)


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Inspiration from the forums...

01:16 Jan 27 2008
Times Read: 1,087


Much ado about poo-poo



Or is



Much ado about doo-doo



better? Hmmm will have to go ponder...

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I like to rock boats to see who's paying attention...

18:42 Jan 26 2008
Times Read: 1,100


so why do I have to push buttons? This is supposed to be a day off, and while I am enjoying myself- there are better things for me to do.



*sigh* procrastination.... biddy style :P


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I liked Heath Ledger

14:58 Jan 23 2008
Times Read: 1,134


He was one of the few actors that always enterained me, regardless of what I thought about his characters. What a shame.


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Tonight

01:32 Jan 23 2008
Times Read: 1,145


So my friend loaned me Season 1 and 2 of the "Girls next door". She swears it's funny... have my soup done, now let's see what this is like :P


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Something I hide from, as it is still painful...

02:05 Jan 20 2008
Times Read: 1,188


You know the more I hear that song the more I want to play it.



Not many people know I trained in piano for many years before I went into athletics. I started when I was 4, then joined a choir when I was 6. Most of my youth was focused on music until my dyslexia ruined it.



Basically what my teacher did I still have issue with, because for me music was one of my only emotional outlets. In truth it was one that I have yet to replace.



That I was good, that is moot at this point. See the issue was I learned 60-70% by ear and 40-30% by plunking out the individual keys. To a music teacher I was a nightmare. And I hid it for 10 years, until the music was too complex for me to hide it anymore.



With my dyslexia when I see sheet music, I can only focus on one or two notes at a time. So I can find the harmony of what I'm singing, but am not able to sight read at all. In truth I can "read" music, but it takes me a very long time. What I can do, is memorize. The entire bit- if I've heard the song more than 5 times and it's fairly simple with in a day. More complex, within the week.



When I say memorize, that includes transposing. It was something I naturally could do. But now it's been so long, and with my piano in Seattle, I sometimes wonder if music will ever be a part of my life again. And that thought that it might not makes me ache, in a way that most people don't get.



Words fail me, music holds me. That is probably the simplist way to explain it.


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I'm in love

01:25 Jan 20 2008
Times Read: 1,191


with the illusions of what music implies.







Maybe it's just his keys :P Yep that must be it!



*hugs to the rat for sending this my way*


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Tanner :D

22:57 Jan 19 2008
Times Read: 1,200






Awww I made him a dog bed for Christmas and now he's a star ♥

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And then there was one; but the dance continued

17:28 Jan 19 2008
Times Read: 1,214


I don't know when, but you choose the time to leave when I am my most busy. Yes I would look to see when you had last logged on.



What took the magic of the dance away, when it went so strong for months? The want of it to never change - that idea that it is eternal. It is not.



Nor is the idea that purpose lies in another human, no matter how much it seems to be noble and ideal, dearest it will consume and destroy you. Not what you want. Yes, I remember that, but I don't believe it. It is just your mind that has ideals that no-one can live up to that tortures you.



Was it because I would not let you be a saviour?



Or was it because even in your pain I would empathize and not let it stop what needs to be done in my world?



So you suffocated yourself in silence. And from your reaction, yet again- thought my journal entry was about you. It was not. I did not even think when smithing the words that you would have taken them that way.



Because I know how much you hurt and would not add to that if possible. Although I am aware being what I am pains you. Deep down you want it too. I hope you will find it.



And I am sorry that my word hurt you. There is only one person I call "dearest", I should have let you know that would be how you could know if an entry was about you or not. It is my fault I used Dance which confused it- but it was at the time a needed metaphor.



Still it goes on, for one cannot dance and leave the same as before. I hope it haunts you, and soothes you when your darkest moments seem to take over. For it still is there. And I know there will be one better suited in this wonderous world, you will dance again even though you tried to remove yourself from it. The sparkles will not be denied forever- even if you feel you must kill them, they do not die. Nor will you ever have that power. Time our greatest enemy and our biggest ally.



I am not sorry that I speak in riddles here. Often times we are guilty of what drives us nuts, and until we see that everything can create a world of paranoia. Still my heart is saddened, but not surprised. I had hoped to watch from a distance how you would change and eventually be more.



Interesting that the one the entry was made for, has not read the entry- nor will he. Because his version of friendship is too small. He wants love and will stop at nothing till love destroys him. As a friend I stated what I saw, and have been scorned for it. No more. My pearls need not go there.



But you dearest, a small part of me knew that was not to be. When the pain turned into too much, and you tried to change me. I am sorry that I am still not able to help with what ales you, but that is part of the nature of what I do. No one is able to do all. So I leave you with an old saying that in your more mature years may give you more insight:



"Healer, heal thyself.


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Friend or Foe you choose...

00:36 Jan 17 2008
Times Read: 1,257


You have hurt me, and my feelings for the last time.



I am done.



Interestingly enough it is the journal comments that gives away your duplicity. You accuse and claim to be a victim.



What I see is a lack of self-confidence being counterbalanced by being a total and complete asshat. No one can give you self worth, and until you believe that yourself you will not find what you seek.



Best of luck, I'm done.


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In my defense...

16:54 Jan 15 2008
Times Read: 1,286


I do steal... but only from the cool kidz journals ;)



Kudos to Flan for the short that made muh biddy laugh!


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If only...

04:27 Jan 15 2008
Times Read: 1,308


This was not part of your journey.



I could just make the outcome the best.



I had the power to promise you: it will be ok.



There was a way to trade positions.



Know that I would, because while it is not something I have or will ever be able to fully understand... I empathise completely with you. There are no words for the pain.



Still I know you are strong enough. No matter what.



And while I cry writing this, it is not sadness, it is that I know how hard this has been. Were there some way for me to take this burden from you...



But it is your path, and just like mine has forged me into being a better person- this is doing the same for you. Shitty. I hate it, but I see and feel the good that WILL come from it. So I offer you whatever I can to assist you in this time... for whatever you need.



Still I pray and hold you both in my thoughts even more. You deserve blessings more than just the meger help I can offer... do not forget.



If only it was enough.


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Plagiarism = stealing

01:47 Jan 15 2008
Times Read: 1,330


And stealing is a no-no. Didn't your parents teach you better? Well it certainly is not my place to, but if catch it in the forums expect a 3 day waiting period before you post again.


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What I'm up to...

02:14 Jan 13 2008
Times Read: 1,358


Photobucket




Some ideas so far:

Lick me where I pee

Exorcism

Barren Bush

Dirty Sanchez




And there is more… so much more… yes my mind is that sick. Look for the full unveil within the month- I HOPE. With my other deadlines this just may not happen. But- I do have investors to please, so this is now top priority.



Nevermind, I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard creating names *woot* to doing something that is totally and completely me :D

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If you don't like it- Try it.

03:08 Jan 11 2008
Times Read: 1,381


Cripes...to those that bitch about web design and all the ways to improve VR.. flippin try it. I cheat. I use a program to generate code- then again I do not have a degree in computers or computer languages or web languages for that matter.



But I am learning. Many things- and it takes a butt load of time.



Now I think about the hundreds of hours I have put into my web sites... and then look here at the codes that were done by hand and I just have to say: NO FUCKING WAY.



Um.



How's this: If there is anyway possible, I will never force myself to learn how to do this.



Better?



Note: is firm believer in never say never... as everytime...


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Dee

15:33 Jan 10 2008
Times Read: 1,388


Get better soon, you are missed...



*edit* WOOT! She called today! She's out and doing well, just fatigued... soon she'll be here to play :D YAY!


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Sometimes

19:39 Jan 09 2008
Times Read: 1,398


Work = major suckage.



Busy = Headache



People = Pain in arse



Boy whoo-hoo only 3 more days of work then one day off... only I have more work to do that day. BAH.



For those that don't get it- I'm very happy to be busy... just need to vent, because I wasn't expecting to be quite so busy...


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I wonder who would lead us if none of us would vote...

21:47 Jan 08 2008
Times Read: 1,411


I've had people ask me why I do not attend church since I am spiritual and have a strong interest in theology. This song written years ago- still rings more true- so much more it scares me.



The Great American Novel - Larry Norman



I was born and raised an orphan

In a land that once was free

In a land that poured its love out on the moon

And I grew up in the shadows

Of your silos filled with grain

But you never helped to fill my empty spoon



And when I was ten you murdered law

With courtroom politics

And you learned to make a lie sound just like truth

But I know you better now

And I don't fall for all your tricks

And you've lost the one advantage of my youth



You kill a black man at midnight

Just for talking to your daughter

Then you make his wife your mistress

And you leave her without water

And the sheet you wear upon your face

Is the sheet your children sleep on

At every meal you say a prayer

You don't believe but still you keep on



And your money says in God we trust

But it's against the law to pray in school

You say we beat the Russians to the moon

And I say you starved your children to do it



You are far across the ocean

But the war is not your own

And while you're winning theirs

You're gonna lose the one at home

Do you really think the only way

To bring about the peace

Is to sacrifice your children

And kill all your enemies



The politicians all make speeches

While the news men all take note

And they exagerate the issues

As they shove them down our throats

Is it really up to them

Whether this country sinks or floats

Well i wonder who would lead us

If none of us would vote



Well my phone is tapped and my lips are chapped

From whispering through the fence

You know every move i make

Or is that just coincidence

Will you try to make my way of life

A little less like jail

If i promise to make tapes and slides

And send them through the mail



And your money says in God we trust

But it's against the law to pray in school

You say we beat the russians to the moon

And i say you starved your children to do it

You say all men are equal all men are brothers

Then why are the rich more equal than others

Don't ask me for the answer i've only got one

That a man leaves his darkness when he follows the Son





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Damn... remind me the forums spread the illness...

20:55 Jan 08 2008
Times Read: 1,414


And here I thought I was cured. *sigh*


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My mood... and yes I am worse than her...

03:58 Jan 08 2008
Times Read: 1,430


Because I'm basically 6' tall and more muscular than most men.




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so TRUE! LMAO from Email....

21:41 Jan 07 2008
Times Read: 1,445


Subject: Pet Information



To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height.



Dear Dogs and Cats:



The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.



The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.



I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.



For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.



The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!



To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:



"To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:



1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly"



Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less

2. Don't ask for money all the time

3. Are easier to train

4. Normally come when called

5. Never ask to drive the car

6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends

7. Don't smoke or drink

8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions

9. Don't want to wear your clothes

10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children


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It's rigged!

20:43 Jan 07 2008
Times Read: 1,450


I swear that someone rigged MY poll! Damn it!



SEE?!





AHahahahahaha! *skips away laughing*


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It was your birthday today.

02:28 Jan 06 2008
Times Read: 1,468


While I was not around, the thought crossed my mind several times. When words just fail the aspect of who we are, and what we must go through.



Still I don't know what to say when malfunction is the only function known.



We are who we choose to be. Either by allowing circumstance to mold us- or by finding ways to break what they would have us be.



There is no right or wrong in life. It is just a compilation of our choices. Who we allow to be near us, who we push away, and ourself- our choices.



The magic has not gone, nor has the dance stopped. Perhaps you will see this, it is not my choice that matters here. I wish you well, and hope that it was a happy day- no matter how hard you fight the idea of it.



I wish you a Happy Birthday...


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02:08 Jan 06 2008
Times Read: 1,470


Dude, I drool on my pillow.



Does that mean I never have to grow up?! :P



*skips off*


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I am

02:14 Jan 05 2008
Times Read: 1,486


so ready for the weekend. Tonight I need valarian root. Sleep has not been good- and I need a full night of sleep.


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SWEET

01:36 Jan 04 2008
Times Read: 1,498


There are TRIBBLES



:D :D :D





*cough, cough* uh, no... no I'm not a Trekkie *pokes at roomie pointing to every Star Trek movie made and a few seasons of next gen on my shelves... looks left and then right*



OK DAMNIT I AM- HAVE BEEN since I was a wee one. Damn secret's out :P


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2008

22:47 Jan 03 2008
Times Read: 1,505


My starting thoughts for the year can be put into one word.



Awkward.



It started with a wonderful social gathering at a friend's house, was too loud, too enthusiastic and too much of just me.



Still it seems it continues. I am a loss at what to say aside from thank you to a friend who honoured me in her journal- yet in truth I feel the pleasure, and honour of knowing her has been mine. Many people don't get that we all at some point or another look to another life and go, "if only".



Too many people spend their lives looking for that "someone" to create that feeling, while few seem to try to create it. Because I think it does create awkwardness. How can you explain that no, honestly you are truly happy by yourself. That you would love to have companionship- but to have a fulfilling life you just don't have it as your priority. Because you keep others as your priority, and your own self-improvement.



I've come to realize where my passion truly lies over the last week, and am making changes to my candle business and acupuncture practise that will bring this to the front.



I want to enjoy, laugh and have fun.



My way, and yours. Even with the dark aspects, there is much fun we can have- so I'm looking to embrace that full force. Risky? To many it will be. But to those that know me, no it's just me.



As a child I was never ashamed to say I was a Bastard after the minister's daughter taught me that word. The way I figured it, if you took the skeleton out of the closet and dressed it up people thought you were odd, but had no power over you- because everyone knew.



So forgive me as words fail me, and as I stumble through what was very clear to my four year old self. Sometimes to grow up we have to be children- and right now I'm a little of both.



The little girl who was too wise for her age that everyone had the highest expectations;



To the teenager who was so disgusted with the reality of people she wanted to move to the mountains;



Who grew into the woman that had to leave the theatre because others were so important that she had to help with more than just illusions;



That then trained her body to what was further than she thought possible, only to see there is always more;



Injured and full of anger she looked inward to see why the wounds she internalized did not heal and looked to her faith to assist her in finding a path;



When she finished school, she sacrificed a few more years to help her mother, only to learn she could not do the work for her;



Now the woman who realizes that all are needed.



Because they all are her completely, and without one fraction of them- she would not be who sits here writing this today.


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Sorry friends... I hate doing this

17:38 Jan 03 2008
Times Read: 1,511


But I think it's time for me to lurk. Not because I don't want to talk to everyone- but because I have to work... and while I am known to dink, work does need to be done.



I'll message when I have time or a break. :)


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*ha ha*

00:09 Jan 03 2008
Times Read: 1,536


Karma is a bitch >:)



And the beauty is, it often finds it's way from a place you don't expect.



Like my aunt says, "let them hang themselves, they always do". Amen to that piece of advise.


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woo-hoo!

17:01 Jan 02 2008
Times Read: 1,551


THIS is the sad but true reality of dating :P




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A message to the downraters here:

13:25 Jan 02 2008
Times Read: 1,559


You think I care because you get a PM that I will change a rate? If you are nice to me in asking, and were not a total pain in my arse- typically I do. But know this: As a Dominar, I've had SEVERAL people make profiles just to rate me, and then delete. Your pathetic one does nothing to me in the standings because my standings were already "shot".



Besides "oh emo tear" I know I'm not a 10. I know how many days I put into my profile- and I know that it is better than most people's here. That I know this, is enough for me. As for ones- I've given them out less than 20 times. Typically I rarely rate below a 6 or 7 unless the profile is hateful or stupid, hell if both. But if you piss me off then expect me to re-rate you, my response to you to be as such:



On 17:03:01 Jan 01 2008 (-6 GMT) XXXXXX wrote:



i feel i should let you know

i will soon be a premium member

and i will be back to rerate you



Message To: XXXXXXX



Why should I care when you originally down rated me? And then were rude to boot.



I should just all of a sudden be like "oh this person is a stellar person?" sorry it does not work that way. My rating stays until I see something other than what I have- such as this petty black mail of "OOOOh look out, I'm going to downrate you because I'll be a PM".



Have fun with it. And consider my rate, because you are one of only a handful I have EVER given it to.



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